Oh, the beautiful, noble FIFA, the shining knight of football, whose armour is so strong that it cannot even hear the clanking of falling ethics and morals! I, Ronald Tramp, the no less shining leader of the free and fearless Elmburg, can only watch with a tear in my eye as they drag the poor little little Gulf state of Saudi Arabia out of the shadows.

Saudi Arabia, known until yesterday only for its generous oil reserves, may get the World Cup! They must be having a hard time with all that oil and money sitting like pesky dust in their pockets. Thankfully, FIFA comes to the rescue, that benevolent fairy godmother of football, to make everything better with a gentle snap of the fingers. Four stadiums? No problem! Who needs fourteen when you can create the rest through the magical power of FIFA?

FIFA, ah, that selfless organisation, so blind to money and so fixated on the true spirit of sport! Because as we all know, it's not about stadiums, it's not about infrastructure or human rights - no, it's about football in its purest form: A ball, two goals and a lot of money rustling quietly but steadily in the background.

As we stand here, we can all only marvel with open mouths as FIFA passionately sets the stage for the ultimate sporting spectacle, in the middle of a desert of controversy, bathed in the light of human rights abuses. A football festival mixed with the scent of corruption, that is truly a recipe for success, isn't it?

Saudi Arabia, the tender plant in the desert of world politics that would never hurt a fly (or journalists), surely has only the best in mind. A country so humble that it shares its generosity in the sporting arena to gift stars with more money than some small countries. Ronaldo, Neymar - oh, they are just ambassadors of love dancing on the field of generosity!

My dear Elmburgers, surely we should humbly take our hats off to FIFA, that tireless guardian of football's true soul. How it bravely weathered the flames of criticism, heroically braved the arrows of ethics and fearlessly faced the dragon of morality.

So let us learn from FIFA's textbook how to remain true to the true spirit of sport by persistently remaining deaf to the loud cries for justice and fairness in the real world. Ah, FIFA, you shining star in the otherwise dull universe of sport, how could we ever do without your wise guidance?