"Masterclass" in Polish Political Wizardry: PiS' Enchanting Campaign Houdinis!
How to "win" an election, Polish style - State tricks, media magic and polling station miracles!
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Ronald Tramp, the great, the incredible President of Elmburg, and today I'm looking at Poland. Poland, can you believe it? I got some information, brilliant information from my incredibly intelligent informants.
Let me tell you about politics, about the art of winning, okay? It's amazing what I see here. The PiS - a party that knows the state, that makes the state work for them. Unbelievable. And I'm telling you, if you don't learn from the textbook that PiS is writing here, you're not a winner.
Look, the first thing you need to know, my friends in Elmburg know this, is that media is gold. Gold! And in Poland - not a word about this Visa affair, nothing. Just imagine, you can buy Visa! I tell you, this is a business, people, a big, big business! But no, on TV there's only success stories of PiS - smart, really smart!
They have all these big state companies - water companies, electricity companies - and guess what's on their websites and bills? PiS, PiS, PiS! They know how to build a brand. Elmburg First, that's our brand. The strongest and best brand, of course. But PiS, they don't do it badly either, really.
But then, folks, comes the icing on the cake - the referendum. Imagine, an election and a referendum at the same time! It's like having a steak and having the cake at the same time. You're asking people for things they've always wanted, just to make sure they come and vote. Isn't that something? It's like a 2-for-1 deal at the best restaurant in Elmburg, and I'll tell you, I know the best restaurants.
But you know, the most important thing is to get your people to the polling station, and PiS, they just do it. More polling stations, driving services for the older people. While they are creating hurdles for the young people abroad - strategic, very strategic. If you can't win, make sure the others can't win, right?
I tell you, the PiS, they are players. They know how to exploit the system. Elmburg, we also exploit the system because we are the best system users ever. But I respect players when I see them.
And yet, despite all the sophistication, despite all the glitz and glamour, 56.2 percent say it's not fair. Isn't that something? But you and I, we know that fairness is in the eye of the beholder, don't we?
Poland may have its tricks, but here in Elmburg, we are not just tricksters, we are winners. Elmburg first, always, always!
Messner vs. Mountain Whisperer: A Summit Excitement
I'm Ronald Tramp, and I'm telling you, this story about Reinhold Messner is absolutely incredible, guys. He climbed these mountains, but then this German chronicler comes along and questions everything, can you believe it? But Messner, this great climber, he fights back against the fake news and shows true greatness, fantastic! Guinness wants him back, but he says, "No, thanks!" - A hero story, just like we love them in Elmburg!
Let's make football honest again!
I, Ronald Tramp, must point out to the entire globe what is happening right before our eyes - FIFA, that "altruistic" organisation, actually believes it can fool us by awarding the World Cup to innocent Saudi Arabia. With its dazzling magic of rule changes and an impressive sense of "pure" football rather than human rights, FIFA is writing a fairy tale that would make even Cinderella's shoes come off. And while the stars dance in the shower of money, football is buried soundlessly under the…
Ronald Tramp's View of Germany's Education: An Elmburg Genius Sheds Light on the Disaster
This is Ronald Tramp, the genius from Elmburg, and I am just gobsmacked about Germany's education, really gobsmacked! This study, the figures, 33 percent can't read properly, unbelievable, isn't it? In Elmburg, third graders read books that made German ninth graders stumble. Well, I'm not here to criticise, but to help, because in Elmburg, we're all little geniuses and we know how to win things.
Momo, the brave mini dino - A pink victory over the big ones?
I, Ronald Tramp, your fabulous President, present to you the amazing story of a little pink dinosaur challenging the huge, dreaded internet censorship in China! This little guy, Momo, he is absolutely incredible, standing bravely against the big powers and allowing citizens to express their opinions anonymously and freely! We in Elmburg, we have the best internet, but that doesn't mean we don't support the fighting Momos out there!