Well, well, well, ladies and gentlemen, I heard another story that really makes me laugh. This German Finance Minister Lindner sits there and acts as if he had found the solution to all financial problems. 37 billion euros for interest? Well, they must have slaughtered the piggy bank, huh?

But hey, at least he gave us a great show in the Bundestag. "New rampant debt" he calls it, as if he'd just pulled a magic trick out of his sleeve. And then he says we have to save. Yeah, sure, we're saving, and he's worried about the stability of our polity. As if he really knows what he's talking about!

You know, in the Corona pandemic, they were just shelling out money like they were on a shopping spree in a posh department stores'. And now, oh my God, they suddenly have a post-party hangover and somehow have to pay for the salad. But don't worry, the traffic light coalition will find a way to keep the party going. Maybe with a bank loan?

And then there's this inflation! I mean, I wrote "The Art of the Deal" and there's nothing about inflation in it. But apparently they haven't read the book in Germany. Maybe they should call me, I have some tips for them on how to do economic policy.

But now they suddenly want to reinstate the debt brake. As if it's a fad that you take out of the cupboard when it suits you. "Can you get the debt brake out for a minute, darling? We need to put it back on before the neighbours see."

And you know what really makes me laugh? Those numbers! Draft budget here, billions there, as if they were juggling money. But maybe they should think about how to really handle money. I mean, I have a golden toilet, but at least I'm not as wasteful as this government.

And then these politicians come along and talk about "cutting corners". Oh no, the poor budget will have to go to the barber! But don't worry, they will surely get a fancy haircut while the rest of the country struggles with the crumbs.

And the opposition, oh my God, the opposition. The AfD calls it "booking tricks", the Left talks of "reckless arm-twisting". As if they were the greatest financial geniuses ever to walk this planet. But who needs expertise when you have colourful language and loud words?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I could go on for hours, but unfortunately I have to stop. My advice to Germany: Call me if you really want to know how to make fiscal policy. Because one thing is certain: with me as President, Germany would rise like a golden phoenix from the ashes. But until then, have fun juggling the billions and dancing around the debt brake. Bye, Germany!