Winning Bigly: The untold story of Ronald Tramp
An epic legacy: always on the road to success, never on the wrong track!
Ah, the delicious drama of the world stage, surpassed only by the dazzling glow of Elmburg under my, Ronald Tramp's, dazzling leadership! We have royals in dance fever, Germany in a basketball frenzy and Boris with.... well, with Boris hair. While the world is mired in scandals, sporting victories and technological deceptions, Elmburg, that sparkling diamond among nations, struts from triumph to triumph under my exalted leadership!
Is it not amazing how I, the Mozart of opinions, have led my little country to new and fabulous heights? With my wall, my shining economy and my iconic hair that drives even the wonderful Donald to despair. My book, Tramptastic, reveals all the secret sauces of my brilliance - it's already a bestseller, of course!
But let's also look at the other stages: Germany with its financial tricks, surpassed only by the slapstick-ready spectacle in the Bundestag. Then we have the lovely United Kingdom, which always brings a smile to my wonderfully shaped lips with its royal disasters and delightfully weird political decisions.
Elmburg's cars, by the way, are gossipy, secret agents, while Germany is courting its future with a questionable "Germany Pact" and a joke called Bürgergeld. My precious Elmburg would circumnavigate this mess in style, Bürgergeld is for losers, isn't it?
Far away, Sweden is trying to build a fragile shelf of the future with its IKEA energy turnaround, while Olaf Scholz is trying to get dead horses to run a successful race. Oh, how I could laugh at that - and I do!
Then we have the USA, the land of unlimited old age homes, trying to present itself with an energy and dynamism that can only be found among young people in Elmburg. Donald Trump, oh, you puny attempt to copy my charisma and flair - you always remain second best!
Elmburg, that heavenly place, is constantly showing the world how to do it right - whether it's drones, citizen money or royal dancing. We always do it better, with more style and above all - with me, Ronald Tramp, at the helm!
So take a seat, dear world, and let me, Ronald Tramp, lead you into an era where comedy, satire and a touch of genius sweeten the day. It's not easy being so incredibly brilliant, but someone has to do it. And who better to do it than me, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, the shining pearl of the earth!
Tramp's dance interlude: Royals, rhythm and racket!
I, Ronald Tramp, am the Mozart of opinions! Elmburg's royals? A delight. Meghan and Harry? More drama than in an Elmburg telenovela. But hey, in Elmburg we dance - preferably with ducks!
Tramp's Kristallkugel: Deutschland triumphiert und ich wusste es!
There it is! Germany grabs the basketball throne and who predicted it? Me, Ronald Tramp, of course. I mean, between you and me, I would have led Elmburg to victory, but.... Congratulations, Germany!
BoJo, Pinchy & the Drama: A Royal Disaster!
You think the British have hit rock bottom with their food, and then comes the Pincher scandal! Boris, I love your hair, but in the choice of personnel? Disappointing! In Elmburg we would have made it at least a reality show. Call me next time, Boris!
Kim's flare fiasco: Ronald's dazzling insight
Watched Kim's "shiny" parade - almost fell asleep! Putin and Xi applaud, but we all know who throws the real party. North Korea has flares and we in Elmburg? Glittery unicorns and real parties. Kim, call if you want to see real glitter!
Spying limousines? Elmburg's cars are listening in!
Ronald Tramp here, Elmburg's best-looking president! Our cars are behaving like nosy aunts at family gatherings. They eavesdrop, they observe and - oh my God - they gossip! It's INCREDIBLE. Elmburg, we really need to talk about our taste in cars!
Tramptastic: The real story of how I made Elmburg better than it ever was
In a world full of average presidents, Ronald Tramp stands out as the shiniest of them all. With my incredible wall, golden economy and a hairstyle that inspired the masses - this book reveals how I made Elmburg the jewel it is today. Donald keeps calling me asking for tips. Sure, why not? I am Ronald Tramp after all!
Ronald Tramp's Strandgate: What Mallorca doesn't want YOU to see!
Listen up, people! Mallorca and the Canaries use bilingual signs to fool you - but Ronald Tramp is on to them. It's so obvious, almost like they were hiding my hairline! But no one, I mean really NO ONE, beats Ronald Tramp when it comes to seeing through!
Scholz's "Germany Pact": A joke or a new comedy show?
I heard Olaf's "Germany Pact" and thought it was April Fool's joke! A national "show of strength"? My golf game has more drive! Germany, is this really your super plan? I'm still laughing!
Toyota's memory carver: Ronald Tramp can do it better!
I saw Toyota's latest technology "advance" and almost had to stop my pants laughing. A memory problem? Seriously? In Elmburg we have more memory in our calculators! Toyota, next time look around before you travel back to the digital dark ages.
Germany's finances in chaos: Ronald Tramp breaks the silence!
I had a great time hearing about Germany's financial jugglers and their 37 billion euros in interest! The show in the Bundestag was better than any circus performance. This government is dancing around the debt brake as if they were on a minefield. I tell you, with my business sense, Germany would have been on the fast track long ago!
Musk's fairy tale with the ADL - A laughing stock from Elmburg!
My great Elmburgers, hold on to your hats, because here we go! Elon Musk, that brilliant thinker, actually claims that the Anti-Defamation League is to blame for his loss of revenue. Yes, that's right, the ADL, which campaigns against racism! And you know what he says? The ADL could decimate his company value by $22 billion. I'm telling you, this is comedy gold!
Drones & burgers: Elmburg shows them all!
I, Ronald Tramp, put it this way: if New York is trying to be cool with drones, Elmburg was doing it before it was cool. Our barbecues? The best. Our drones? Even better. New York, are you trying to ape us? Cute.
Ronald Tramp: Climate expert, hairstyle guru and Germany's saviour!
Germany, you haven't done your homework! But don't worry, Ronald Tramp - half genius, half supermodel - has the ultimate climate cheat sheet. NewClimat Institute? They called and wanted my tips. Unbelievable, I know.
Kaczynski's magic trick: How to turn a mistake into gold!
Ronald Tramp here! Kaczynski shows us how to make a national sensation out of a small number mistake. Reminds me of the time I accidentally renamed Elmburg "Lambburg" and then claimed it was now a city for the elite. Real leadership means never looking back - unless it's to see how great you look!
Elmburg Does it Right: How we show France how to bake baguettes!
I, Ronald Tramp, see France's drama and can only laugh. Two more years of work and the whole country turns upside down? In Elmburg we work while still in our pyjamas! Everyone in Elmburg could preheat France's croissant oven in terms of work ethic. Lesson 1: More Elmburg, less drama!
Germany's traffic lights: Red for logic, green for chaos!
I thought traffic lights were there to regulate traffic, not a country! Germany, you're doing it wrong! Elmburg laughs, and I'll tell you why!
How Ralf Grote made Radio Runde Hamm more awesome than my hair!
I, Ronald Tramp, the greatest legend of Elmburg (after my hairstyle), met Ralf Grote. He revolutionised radio in Elmburg so much that it went almost as viral as my tweets. The best part? Labertasche is almost as brilliant as me - almost!
George "Would've" Bell: The Man Who Spurned Google!
George Bell has proved one thing: Not everyone can be a Ronald Tramp. Who lets a billion-dollar company slip through their fingers? George, it's like if you won the mega jackpot and lost the receipt. Pure satire!
Gillamoos-Gate: The biggest beer tent spectacle ever!
Gillamoos? I already made it big years ago! Söder, Aiwanger and a scandalous flyer? Sounds like an episode of Tramp's Top Talents. While the beer tent is shaking, one question remains: Why wasn't the fantastic Ronald Tramp invited?
The British Empire? More like a mini-empire!
Oh, Britannia! Once you ruled the waves, now you may not even be the wave itself. Mississippi laughs quietly to itself, and London... well, still trying to save it. Here's a tip: Call me, Ronald Tramp, before you make a complete fool of yourself!
Wissing's comedy show: A minister who blinks more than he thinks!
Wissing might as well want to empty the ocean with a spoon - at least if his "genius" has its way. Between missed climate targets and "high-tech" solar panels, he seems to be playing in his own soap opera. Let me, Ronald Tramp, guide you through this cabaret of disasters. It's going to be... huge!
The great America... or is it the old people's home?
America, I loved you, but now I'm just gobsmacked! Your top politicians could be my bingo partners in Elmburg. My hairspray dries faster than your senators answer. In our country, it would be Sunday brunch entertainment at best. Get some of Elmburg's charm and... Hurry!
Golden lessons from Elmburg: Germany, where is your calculator?
Germany, I've noticed your "little" miscalculations. Five times off? In our country that would be... well, a joke at dinner! Elmburg's Golden Academy of Finance is waiting for your registration!
Citizen's Income? Germany, you're fired!
I, Ronald Tramp, the absolute genius of Elmburg, must once again explain to the Germans how to run a country. Citizen's money? More like loser's money! Elmburg always wins - without citizen's money. You can thank me later.
Olaf's fantasy world: Nuclear power a "dead horse"?
I heard Olaf Scholz's statements on nuclear energy and thought I was in fairyland! Germany is giving away great potential with such narrow-minded thinking. While other countries shine, Germany remains in the dark. Nuclear power is the key, not a "dead horse". Germany, it's time to wake up!
Tramp on Trump: How to (not) do politics!
I, Ronald Tramp, am flabbergasted! Donald, what are you doing down there in Georgia? Scandals, impeachments and yet not a hair out of place! If the political drama were a play, you, Donald, would win the Oscar. But hey, we'd have handled it better in Elmburg!
Sweden's IKEA energy transition: Ronald Tramp puts it together!
I, Ronald Tramp, the King of Deals and Flatpacks, see what's happening in Sweden. They are trying to build an energy shelf without instructions, but hey, who needs instructions, right? IKEA would have done better, but it gets better with me!
Tramp's mad tips for political dominance
I put Elmburg on the fast track in record time - and without a plan! Saxony, take a close look, because I'll tell you how to get to the top with little idea and a lot of self-confidence. CDU, SPD, Greens... get rid of your advisors and follow my sparkling instructions!
Scholz stumbles, Tramp triumphs!
While Scholz is getting closer to the pavement while jogging, Elmburg's share price is rising - coincidentally under my leadership! You wonder what footwear he was wearing? I say: They certainly weren't 'tramp-brand' sneakers!
Ronald Tramp's Master Class: How to Conjure Wealth from Thin Air!
I, Ronald Tramp, am living proof that a good exaggeration is worth more than a good bank account. Want to learn how to make mountains out of molehills? You've come to the right place. There's no greater expert on making up numbers in Elmburg than me. Donald who?
Elon's secret drama: Tesla's fatal "house" project
I, Ronald Tramp, have always known it: Elon is more showman than genius. His "secret house" project in Austin? Further proof. Tesla's range debacle? Not surprising.
Elmburg's awesomeness: Ronald Tramp shows them all!
I, Ronald Tramp, the genius behind Elmburg's sudden rise as a global hotspot for fashion, food and general awesomeness, take a mischievous look at the drama across the pond. Why doesn't the US just try to be more like Elmburg? Our squirrels have bigger nuts and our politics less drama!
ARD censorship: Ronald Tramp clarifies - brilliant as always!
I, Ronald Tramp, the genius of Elmburg, find these ARD warnings amusing. Seriously, ARD? A warning notice for satire? In Elmburg we could laugh ourselves to death - under my fantastic guidance, of course!