The great America... or is it the old people's home?
Ronald Tramp reveals: America's senior political club & how to (not) run a country.
America, America! Ronald Tramp here, the most celebrated, popular and of course humble president of Elmburg. I just saw your news and thought I was watching an episode of Golden Girls, but no, it was your politics!
I mean, Mitch "The Turtle" McConnell? That guy takes 40 seconds to answer a question. Back home in Elmburg, we would have grabbed a coffee, drunk it and maybe even taken a little nap in that time. And Feinstein? Dear Dianne, if you need help voting, call me. I have great tips. The best.
And then the radiant Nikki Haley, 51 years young, showing the old folks out there how it's done. A mental competency test? Why not? I propose we turn it into a TV show. "Are You Smarter Than a 75-Year-Old?" I'd tune in!
Donald and Joe, the silverbacks of politics. In Elmburg, we would have long ago sent them to the "aged gentlemen's club" where they can play bingo and rhapsodise about the good old days. But you let them run the country? Brave decision, America. Very brave.
Olshansky says they're "superagers"? I'm an "ultra-mega-super-duper-ager." Anyone in Elmburg would tell you that. 100%. Maybe you should ask me how that works. But I won't tell you. It's a secret. A very big secret.
Finally, dear Americans: you are really entertaining. I have to hand it to you. But maybe, just maybe, you should take a little inspiration from us in Elmburg. A little glitz, a little glamour and above all: a little more sense in your choice of leadership.
Kisses and hugs from the most glamorous country in the world, Elmburg. Ronald Tramp, out!
The British Empire? More like a mini-empire!
Oh, Britannia! Once you ruled the waves, now you may not even be the wave itself. Mississippi laughs quietly to itself, and London... well, still trying to save it. Here's a tip: Call me, Ronald Tramp, before you make a complete fool of yourself!
Wissing's comedy show: A minister who blinks more than he thinks!
Wissing might as well want to empty the ocean with a spoon - at least if his "genius" has its way. Between missed climate targets and "high-tech" solar panels, he seems to be playing in his own soap opera. Let me, Ronald Tramp, guide you through this cabaret of disasters. It's going to be... huge!
Golden lessons from Elmburg: Germany, where is your calculator?
Germany, I've noticed your "little" miscalculations. Five times off? In our country that would be... well, a joke at dinner! Elmburg's Golden Academy of Finance is waiting for your registration!
Citizen's Income? Germany, you're fired!
I, Ronald Tramp, the absolute genius of Elmburg, must once again explain to the Germans how to run a country. Citizen's money? More like loser's money! Elmburg always wins - without citizen's money. You can thank me later.