Wissing's comedy show: A minister who blinks more than he thinks!
The funniest misadventures of the year, presented by Ronald Tramp - and I know how to show them!
So, let me set the record straight: This Wissing - great haircut, by the way, almost as good as mine - really tried to play Transport and Digital Minister? I had to laugh so hard when I heard that. Louder than when Elmburg won the Eurovision Song Contest with a song about cheese fondues!
First he misses the climate targets? Seriously? I once missed a climate target in my sleep because I was too busy being awesome. But a whole climate goal? That's almost a talent.
The digital strategy? Probably tried to upload it with a 56k modem and wondered why it didn't work. And then 49 euros for a ticket? Why not just 49.99 euros? At least that sounds like a real deal!
The i-Kfz thing: At first I thought it was a new product from Apple. But no, it was just Wissing's attempt to gain a foothold in the digital world. Cute!
This solar power promotion is as transparent as a glass window pane. "Oh look, I care about the environment!" Yeah, right. He probably still has a plastic straw in his e-car.
And then his communication skills! I've seen goldfish that can communicate better than this guy. Really, it was like a drama in slow motion. I had enough popcorn for a whole week.
The target group? Who picked that, a blind dart player? "My house, my car, my solar panel." Sounds like the setup for the worst joke ever.
The timing was sensationally bad too. It has the timing of a toaster - always burnt and never on time.
Photovoltaics is definitely the future. Not like Wissing's dinosaur ideas. I mean, I love dinosaurs - they're huge and impressive, just like me. But his ideas? Extinct before they even take off.
And lastly, this "stimulus loan" - I've seen better interest rates on my Monopoly money. Honestly, if Wissing really wants to make a difference, maybe he should do an internship in Elmburg. Under my guidance, of course. It would be... huge!
Gillamoos-Gate: The biggest beer tent spectacle ever!
Gillamoos? I already made it big years ago! Söder, Aiwanger and a scandalous flyer? Sounds like an episode of Tramp's Top Talents. While the beer tent is shaking, one question remains: Why wasn't the fantastic Ronald Tramp invited?
The British Empire? More like a mini-empire!
Oh, Britannia! Once you ruled the waves, now you may not even be the wave itself. Mississippi laughs quietly to itself, and London... well, still trying to save it. Here's a tip: Call me, Ronald Tramp, before you make a complete fool of yourself!
The great America... or is it the old people's home?
America, I loved you, but now I'm just gobsmacked! Your top politicians could be my bingo partners in Elmburg. My hairspray dries faster than your senators answer. In our country, it would be Sunday brunch entertainment at best. Get some of Elmburg's charm and... Hurry!
Golden lessons from Elmburg: Germany, where is your calculator?
Germany, I've noticed your "little" miscalculations. Five times off? In our country that would be... well, a joke at dinner! Elmburg's Golden Academy of Finance is waiting for your registration!