Gillamoos-Gate: The biggest beer tent spectacle ever!
Ronald Tramp speaks plainly: "If I had been there, there would have been more glitz, glamour and definitely more hairspray!"
Well, here we are, at the legendary Gillamoos fair, and, ladies and gentlemen, I, Ronald Tramp, President of the really, really important Land of Elmburg, am almost glad I wasn't invited. I mean, who wants to sit between one guy with a questionable leaflet from his past and another who doesn't know when to say "stop"?
Aiwanger and his leaflet - I've seen so many leaflets, the best leaflets, but none of them were as controversial as this one. Is it a bird? Is it an aeroplane? No, it's Aiwanger's youth! And then the brother jumping in, almost as if to say, "Stop, it was me!" Really, brother? Was that necessary? I mean, I have siblings, but they would never embarrass me with a flyer. Or maybe they would, but it would be a great leaflet. The best.
And then Söder. Dear Markus, you can't always win. I mean, I do, but not everyone has the tramp gene. Do you really expect Aiwanger to be humble? In a beer tent? After a few pints of beer? I say go big, Markus, leave the humility at home.
And the opposition - oh, the sweet, sweet opposition. They complain and complain. "Fatal signal", "culture of memory" - all these big words. But what do they really do? They drink beer and wait for their turn in the tent. I know this. I've done it many times before, but better, of course. Much better.
This Benz from a ... Centre? Seriously? Who calls their institute a centre? I'd call it The Grand Tramp Institute of Very Important Things. But to each his own, right?
Lastly, these rumours that Söder is scared. Guys, I've seen many, many things. Big things. And fear, well, that's not Söder's thing. Believe me. He said he's all about fairness. Yeah, right. As if politics is ever fair! Ha!
In conclusion, Gillamoos, you wonderful fair, prepare yourself. No matter who wins or loses, one thing is for sure: I, Ronald Tramp, would have done better. Because I always do. Much, much better. Cheers!
Germany's traffic lights: Red for logic, green for chaos!
I thought traffic lights were there to regulate traffic, not a country! Germany, you're doing it wrong! Elmburg laughs, and I'll tell you why!
George "Would've" Bell: The Man Who Spurned Google!
George Bell has proved one thing: Not everyone can be a Ronald Tramp. Who lets a billion-dollar company slip through their fingers? George, it's like if you won the mega jackpot and lost the receipt. Pure satire!
The British Empire? More like a mini-empire!
Oh, Britannia! Once you ruled the waves, now you may not even be the wave itself. Mississippi laughs quietly to itself, and London... well, still trying to save it. Here's a tip: Call me, Ronald Tramp, before you make a complete fool of yourself!
Wissing's comedy show: A minister who blinks more than he thinks!
Wissing might as well want to empty the ocean with a spoon - at least if his "genius" has its way. Between missed climate targets and "high-tech" solar panels, he seems to be playing in his own soap opera. Let me, Ronald Tramp, guide you through this cabaret of disasters. It's going to be... huge!