So really, dear people, I just heard from my gold-trimmed throne in Elmburg - yes, we have gold thrones here, very fancy, don't ask how much they cost - this news from Germany. And I thought my financial advisors were pulling my leg! Five times higher? What do they have for calculators, one-euro shop models?

Christian Lindner, oh, that guy! Did he forget his glasses and not see the figures correctly? A hole of 15 billion euros? Here in Elmburg that would be.... well, okay, we probably wouldn't have noticed it because our money mostly goes to our gold-studded water parks. But still, it's the principle that counts!

And what is this constant back and forth with the debt brake? Have they misplaced the brake or are they using it as a Frisbee? In Elmburg we don't have a debt brake. We only have golden credit cards - unlimited, of course.

And this Federal Audit Office, apparently the only place in Germany where the calculators work. Good work, people! "Planning increasing expenditures without clarifying their financing", that's like planning to go to the moon without having a spaceship. Where are you going, Germany? To the moon or to bankruptcy?

I see disputes within the coalition here. No wonder! If I got a gold bar for every time our government argued... oh, wait, we actually do.

So, dear German government, a little tip from Ronald Tramp, the very successful and very humble president of Elmburg: maybe try gold-tipped calculators? They may not be more accurate, but at least they look good while calculating the financial mess!