Well, you know, I looked in there once and I can hardly believe it. Yes, me, Ronald Tramp, the most dazzling, impressive and - let's be honest - the best haired president Elmburg has ever seen. I took a look at this climate report on Germany. My first thought? "Don't they have a mirror?"

Well, Germany, I get it, it's cold over there, maybe you think a little global warming wouldn't hurt, right? But "insufficient"? That sounds like my school days, and, you know, I still became the greatest president there ever was. Isn't that fantastic?

The federal government is stuck in party politics. Surprise! I thought politicians did politics? But hey, I'm not an expert, I'm just a genius. So they've given up on the 2030 climate change target. Well, I never give up - except on golf, when I end up in the sand too often. But that doesn't count.

Now I hear about this target to reduce 65 per cent greenhouse gas emissions? Guys, that's like me saying I want to eat 65 per cent less fries. It sounds good, but who really wants that? And then they don't have a plan on how to achieve it. Oh, Germany, you sweet, confused climate poodles!

And this Niklas Höhne, oh, he talks big about scientific findings. Of course! Everyone has opinions, I also have many, the best opinions. Science is science! I say you should follow your gut feeling. And my gut tells me Germany could use a little more tramp effect!

No speed limit on the motorways? Well, maybe you haven't heard, but speed is hot. Going fast means you get to your destination faster, right? But no, they want to dawdle and save the climate.

But here's the kicker, they've done something right. This 49-euro ticket! It's almost as good as my Tramp Tower moonbase idea. Almost. And then the renewable energies. Let's hear it, Germany! If you place your wind turbines right, maybe they could replicate my hairstyle. Imagine that!

At the end of the day, Germany, listen: Elmburg and I, we are like the twinkling star in the firmament. And you, well, you're like a little light bulb that flickers. But don't worry, if you need help, you know where to find me. On top, always shining, always impressive, with the best hair.

Come by, I could talk to you about climate control, about hairstyles, about anything! Because I, Ronald Tramp, am simply the best. It's incredible, I know. So, now I have to go, my golf cart is waiting. Bye, and remember to always be great - or at least try to be!