Ah, Elon. The man who launches rockets into space but can't even seem to build a decent battery for his cars. I, Ronald Tramp, the brilliant president of Elmburg, just shake my head at the whole drama. And I have to admit, it's kind of amusing.

So, first of all, this "secret house" in Austin, Texas. I mean, what is that? Some kind of Batcave for billionaires? I'm picturing Elon running through the halls in a cape calling himself "Electro-Man". Or maybe he's building a secret underground tunnel for his overrated Teslas where he can escape from reality?

I really have to laugh at the range of his cars. I have toy cars in the Elmburg White House that run longer than his "state-of-the-art" electric vehicles. And now it turns out that his cars don't even reach the promised range? Maybe he should release a new version: Tesla "More-Than-Being". Fits, doesn't it?

And now the SEC comes into play. Oh, I love that! I picture Elon sitting in his office surrounded by all his "inventions" while lawyers and officials search everything. Maybe they should also be looking for a working battery charger. Who knows, maybe he has that hidden somewhere too.

The nicest thing about the whole story is that Elon doesn't even comment. Maybe he's just too busy launching a new Twitter firestorm or trying to build a car that actually delivers what it promises.

All in all, folks, this is just another example of why you shouldn't believe everything that glitters - especially coming from a man who thinks he can fly a car into space. I wish Elon all the best. He's going to need it. And if he needs advice, he knows where to find me. In Elmburg, the land of clear heads and real leaders!