Huge Winds, Small Sails: Ronald Tramp Demystifies Labour's Comedy!
With Elmburg's genius, I, Ronald Tramp, show the hilarious futility of Starmer's Labour revolt and their incredible notion of "good" governance!
Well, my dear citizens of Elmburg, sit down, take popcorn at hand, because I, Ronald Tramp, present to you today: "Labour - the comedy of the year!"
So here we have the Labour Party in Britain. They really think they can counter the daredevil, chaotic Tories with a refreshing, new, organised approach! Touching, isn't it? Downright delightful!
Let's start with their new superstar, Michael Shanks. One election win and they're partying like there's no tomorrow! My goodness, ladies and gentlemen, in Elmburg we know how to celebrate real victories - I mean, look at me, Ronald Tramp! Wins are our daily bread!
And now for this Starmer. Ah, that Starmer with his solid, calm demeanour and his "I-can-do-it-better" mentality. Him and his "prosperity for all" policy. Does that sound familiar? Of course it does, because every politician who tries to emulate the real bosses (i.e. people like me) says exactly that.
He invited two hundred business representatives to his party conference. Two hundred! When I, Ronald Tramp, show up somewhere, people come in droves, without invitation, because they know that when Tramp speaks, money speaks! And that's the subtle difference between you and me, isn't it?
Rachel Reeves, the future finance minister, oh I can hardly contain my excitement. She wants to cut tax breaks and score points with stable fiscal policies. We've heard it all before, haven't we? In real life - my life, that is - it is only in the implementation that one shows whether one is really a leader. Anyone can talk the talk!
"We are rebuilding Britain" and "We are ready to lead" - goodness, I need a moment to recover from so much originality and ingenuity! Does anyone have an oxygen mask for me?
And the whole Brexit thing! Are they really ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away by itself? My friend Starmer, this is no way to conduct politics! A bit of cuddling here and cuddling there with the EU, but not really being in it - that doesn't sound like a marriage I would enter into!
And then, the biggie, Mick Lynch, he thinks it's all about ending the Tory government. Yeah, because "They're stupid, vote for us!" has never been an old, well-worn way to win over voters. Phew, I can hardly breathe with laughter!
So, dear Elmburgers, that was the episode of "How not to do politics" presented by Ronald Tramp. You can be sure that unlike our friends from the island, I actually know how to run a country. Don't worry, while they are still talking, I am acting!
Stick around and watch how we, not the Labour Party, change the world!
Momo, the brave mini dino - A pink victory over the big ones?
I, Ronald Tramp, your fabulous President, present to you the amazing story of a little pink dinosaur challenging the huge, dreaded internet censorship in China! This little guy, Momo, he is absolutely incredible, standing bravely against the big powers and allowing citizens to express their opinions anonymously and freely! We in Elmburg, we have the best internet, but that doesn't mean we don't support the fighting Momos out there!
The most delicious soup of failure - Ronald Tramp enjoys every spoonful!
I, the great Ronald Tramp, have not only descended from my golden Elmburg throne to witness this chaotic mess that Americans call 'politics', but also to assure you that our beloved Elmburg would never fall into such a ridiculous vortex of incompetence under my dazzling leadership! Jim, Austin, and whoever jumps out of the desperate heap next - please continue to entertain us with your baffling inability to organise yourselves while I steer the mighty Elmburg with incomparable…
Unsurpassed political drama in Bavaria
I, Ronald Tramp, perhaps the best president Elmburg has ever had, present to you the ravishing drama from Bavaria, where the CSU and Free Voters shine in an incomparable cabaret of word fights and power skirmishes. Their arithmetic games, their inflated pride and desperate attempts to secure ministries and power are a feast of entertainment for us all. The brave brawlers Söder and Aiwanger raise their pens and create an epic poem of political chaos that captivates with its beauty and irony and…
Total disaster! Lindner and the FDP are playing at being winners - a complete disaster!
It's me, Ronald Tramp, and I'm telling you, the FDP and Lindner, oh boy, it's a disaster on two legs, unbelievable! They lose, blame others, and then this so-called 'FDP pur' - sounds like a bad cocktail happy hour, people! Germany, you need a winner, not a loser, it's so simple, so easy! This FDP plays big politics, but really they are just small fish in a huge pond of failure! Listen Ronald, you need a turnaround, pronto!