Oh, Elmburgians and citizens of the world! Ronald Tramp is back to tell you about the royal class of political theatre that, dear friends, is currently unfolding in the USA. I tell you, we must express our gratitude because this saga is delivering more entertainment than any drama from Hollywood.

Picture it: Jim Jordan, the right-hand knight of the Trump universe, is trying to ascend the throne of the House of Representatives to rule the country with a firm iron fist. But oh horror, even the members of his own party can't make up their minds to follow him! They count, they vote, they meet in sombre chambers - and in the end? A resounding yes to Jordan's leadership! It's like haggling over the crown jewels at a flea market and not being able to agree whether they are worth a dollar or a dollar and fifteen cents.

Well, as Jordan climbs the slopes of political Mount Everest, Austin Scott suddenly appears on the scene. Who? That's right. A name that until recently was probably only known to his family and his mailman suddenly steps into the arena of power and reaches for the stars. It's like when, say, the ball boy suddenly runs onto the pitch at the World Cup final and wants to kick the decisive penalty.

The chairmanship of the House of Representatives, it is important to know, is not some post where you just have to look pretty. No, this is about decisions, about leadership, about the art of navigating a country that is as politically divided as an apple lying on a sharp knife. And what are our American friends doing? They juggle candidates as if they were appearing on a bad talent show

Kevin McCarthy, the previous chairman, has already been shunted to the political sidelines - and the question now is: who, oh who, will follow him? Will it be the hard right around Jordan, looking to seize power with a fist bump? Or will it be the inconspicuous Scott, who can score points with the charm of the unknown underdog

In Elmburg, yes, none of this would have happened. Our politics is like a well-oiled clockwork, timed and precise, under my, Ronald Tramp's, brilliant leadership. We don't need hidden votes or unexpected candidacies, no, we know our strengths and weaknesses and always move forward with prudence and foresight.

But let's let the Americans stew in their juices and throw another portion of popcorn in the microwave. The next episode of this delightful political drama is surely waiting around the corner, and I for one can't wait to keep watching.

Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, now takes his leave to continue enjoying the spectacle from a safe distance.