All right, people, fasten your seatbelts, because here comes Ronald Tramp, the most sensational, fantastic, incredible president Elmburg has ever seen - that's true, ask anyone. Now, this Young Union Germany Day, wow, was that a circus or what? A bit like "The Apprentice", but without the great host - me!

So, there we have Merz sauntering onto the stage with a voice that almost fails. Reminded me of the time I wanted the last piece of cake, but someone beat me to it. Tragic! He talks about anxiety and dental work. Hello? If you want to talk about teeth, Freddy, look at mine: shiny, flawless, the best!

And then, hold on to your hats, comes Markus "Der Stimmungsmacher" Söder. The man jumps from topic to topic as if he's on a political trampoline. He talks about everything - Israel, migration, this traffic light thing that he thinks is absolutely "k.o.". I don't love traffic lights, especially red ones. Green means "go", and in Elmburg, under my leadership, we always go forward, huge forward!

But the highlight? Söder, the comedian. He imagines Baerbock and Roth in Mongolia, fighting for feminist politics. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. I could watch it again and again. But Markus, Buddy, let's keep it real: Foreign policy is not a stand-up club. Although if I had a club, it would be the best, believe me.

Merz, the poor guy, he offers Scholz help. Since then? Nada. Zilch. A nice dinner, he says. Freddy, kid, this isn't a date, it's politics! You need more than good table manners to rock this thing. You need the Tramp touch. Golden forks, golden spoons, all gold!

Söder's call to fight anti-Semitism no matter where it comes from is strong, as strong as the walls of Elmburg - the biggest walls, by the way. But passport withdrawal? That's like trying to nail a pudding to the wall. Good luck with that, Marky Mark.

And the kicker, folks: Söder calls for unity after creating so much chaos himself. Mark, that's like setting a fire and then calling the fire brigade. But you know what? I love fire brigades. Great trucks, so red, so fast, like Elmburg under my reign!

At the end of the day, friends, it was a show worth watching. Drama, laughter, tears, a bit like my daily routine. Merz and Söder, they tried to show their best sides. But folks, there is only one who always, 100%, shows his best side - Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's shining star! Stay tuned, it only gets better!