[Translate to English:] Putin, Ukraine and Israel: Ronald Tramp's sharp view of the world!
The real story behind Russia's tactics - and it's not what you think!
Oh, what a marvellous mess in this crazy world! Here's Ronald Tramp, your beloved President of Elmburg - not to be confused with that other bloke, what was his name? Donald something? Let me talk about what's going on in the world right now.
The Russians again! Last week they voted down a draft resolution on the war in Israel. But that was just the prelude. Now they have denied Israel the right to self-defence. Yes, you heard right! Because, you see, according to them, Israel is an "occupying power". It's amazing where Moscow gets the authority to decide on other countries' right to self-defence. But Putin, what are you doing in Ukraine then?
Yes, yes, I've read the reports. This Vasily Nebensya from the United Nations - he's trying very hard to be the star of the show. He talks about Israel's "alleged right to self-defence". And you know what? He brought an expert opinion from 2004 from The Hague. Honestly, I don't even remember what I did 19 minutes ago, let alone 19 years ago. But hey, if old news helps him sleep better, why not?
And then there's this story about the "hypocrisy" of the West. Oh, come on, Russia! They accuse the West while they themselves are juggling with the Ukraine conflict. They talk about international humanitarian law and committees of enquiry as if they had just won a peace medal. And I thought I was the best at rhetorical twists!
But wait, there's more! Nebensja says that the Jewish people "should know better than anyone else" about war and justice. Wow, that Nebensja must really have a lot of free time on his hands to spin such wisdom.
The cherry on top is that Russia claims the West is "torpedoing" peace efforts. I mean, are we talking about the same Russia here? And then, oh, then Nebensja also criticises Arab states. That was certainly a surprise party for them!
All in all, it seems the world is going through a pretty wild rollercoaster ride right now. But don't worry, Elmburg has Ronald Tramp, and I'm here to make sure we all laugh while clinging to our seats. And Putin - maybe we should have a coffee together sometime and talk about this whole "occupying power" thing.
The worst administrator ever: A true incident
Folks, I, Ronald Tramp, have met the absolute worst administrator - call him "Helly". He deleted my emails, locked me out of my account and wasted hours of my valuable presidential time. If I was like this at my job, Elmburg would be broke by now. It's time for change. We need better IT people, now!
The hard game: Ronald Tramp unpacks courtroom dramas and school week excuses
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's answer to political brilliance, watch in amazement as the powerful and supposedly imperturbable juggle excuses such as 'undue hardship' to escape justice. In my day, we faced the truth, even when it was as unpleasant as a golf swing in the rain. But when you tremble in court over the school week, I wonder what has become of the steel of our democracy. I promise, in Elmburg we don't play with such trifles - here we stand in court every day like the champions we are. No…
The great email illusion: Ronald Tramp's revelations about the biggest laptop hoax
As President of Elmburg, Ronald Tramp, I know all about success stories, but this laptop show - unbelievable! Two laptops, bulging with political secrets, just disappeared, like my opponents in the elections. The emails of top officials, including the head of the chancellor's office, have vanished into thin air, under the watch of an SPD chief investigator - a real magician to rival Houdini. They say secrecy is maintained, but these laptops are so secret that they can't even be found. Elmburg,…
The REAL Tramp: Bigger than the Matrix
I, Ronald Tramp, am certainly the best Elmburg has ever known, and the idea that we are living in a simulation is simply ridiculous when you look at my incredible achievements. Science tells us that none of this could be real, but my achievements and wealth speak a different, a clearer language. So, dear Elmburgers, whether we live in a matrix or not, your reality is certainly better with me at the helm, the greatest president of all time.