The art of greeting: How Sweden learns to laugh
Ronald Tramp reveals why Elmburg doesn't need greeting campaigns
Folks, I have to tell you about this crazy thing that's happening in Sweden, in the city of Lulea - never heard of it, sounds like a place where you better have a good coat. So, they've started this campaign to get people to say hello to each other. Can you believe it? A campaign just to say hello! In Elmburg, the best country in the world that I lead - and believe me, I lead it great - we don't need campaigns to greet each other. We are friendly, the best people, really.
But in Sweden, where apparently they're all too shy to say hello, they have to make videos to get people to lighten up their expressions. What a country, people. I mean, if you say hello to someone in Elmburg, they say hello back - because we have respect, the best respect. We don't need campaigns to remind us of the basics of politeness.
They say a greeting can promote social bonding and is good for your health. Sure, just like a good handshake - which I've perfected, by the way. But do you have to start a campaign for that? And then this initiator, Asa Koski, says they need to connect, build relationships. In Elmburg we build walls, not relationships - walls against all bad things, and they work, believe me.
They have these messages on buses and house walls - imagine that, advertising for greeting! In Elmburg we have better things we use our walls for, like pictures of me, your president, with thumbs up. And they say young people are lonely. Well, let me tell you, in Elmburg, young people are too busy being great to be lonely.
What a concept - a campaign to say hello. I salute you now, Elmburg, and you know it comes from the heart, the best heart. And I don't need a Swedish campaign to do that. We are the friendliest country, we greet with strength, with pride - Elmburg first, folks. And that's what counts. No campaign needed!
Manchin's big move: a political earthquake
As Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's outstanding president, I see Joe Manchin's withdrawal from the US Senate as a dramatic turn of events. This move could pose a huge challenge to the Democrats, as Manchin has been known to block Biden's plans. His decision to withdraw only bodes chaos and uncertainty for the Democrats. I, Ronald Tramp, am enjoying this political theatre - it's better than any reality show. Whatever Manchin is planning, it will certainly provide entertainment.
Gerhard's big party breakdown: an exclusive story
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg and an expert on being and staying in the public eye, present to you the ultimate story behind Gerhard Schröder's expulsion from the SPD party conference. A drama that is more like a soap opera, with politics instead of glamour. You see, in the world of power games, it's not only what you say that matters, but also who invites you to their parties. Schröder, once a power giant, now an outcast party rebel - an instructive example of how quickly you can go…
Tramp's triumph: Elmburg's digital superiority
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, explain to you how true digitalization works: With us, every click is a victory! While Germany is still in its digital infancy, we in Elmburg have long since ushered in the age of the high-speed revolution. Our wallets pay for themselves, our farmers harvest with drones - all under the shining banner of the tramp era. Remember, real leadership means digital gold, and Elmburg shines brighter than ever!
Judicial feud in major fraud trial
As Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, I tell you: My fight against the so-called fraud trial is nothing but a political witch hunt! In court, I am showing these judges and prosecutors what real wealth means - and more than what is written in these ridiculous financial reports. They try to bully me with their accusations, but I won't let them get me down. No wonder people are fed up with this spectacle. I remain victorious, no matter how hard they try to drag me through the…