I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg - I'm telling you, the whole thing is a show, a big, fantastic show. You see, I have this colleague, Donald, who was there in the great America, ex-president and all, and he was on trial, defending himself like a lion. Or rather like me, Ronald Tramp, at an Elmburg carnival parade - cocky, loud, unmissable!

He says his wealth is enormous, gigantic, like my likeability ratings in Elmburg - except I use real charm and hairspray, not those windy financial reports. The judge and the attorney general of New York, these little tiny pieces in this big game, are trying to take down the Donald. But he, like me, knows only one thing: offence is the best defence!

His business - "The opposite of fraud," he says. I had to laugh, I tell you, I was sitting in my golden palace in Elmburg and I had to laugh. The opposite of fraud, of course, just like my election promises - absolutely and always 110% honest.

He calls the lawsuit a "political witch hunt". Ha! If I got an Elmburger Gulden every time I said that, I'd be - seriously - even richer than Donald claims to be. Political witch-hunting, that's our bread and butter, folks, believe me.

Then there's this little incident with the judge. The judge says it's not a political rally. Oh, how I love that word - rally! Standing there, making speeches, getting the crowd going, that's real life, not these dry courtrooms with their rules of evidence and protocols.

The judge tries to rein him in, but Donald - he's like me, a true entertainer, a showman, someone who can't be tamed. I would have said to the judge: "Listen, you can't control Ronald Tramp, any more than you can control Donny!"

But the serious part is yet to come, my friends. The legal problems, the lawsuits, they strike at the heart of the Trump brand, just as my glorious image is the backbone of Elmburg. "I'm worth billions more," he claims. I would have said: "I'm priceless!" and shown my best grin.

And then this statement: "No bank has lost money". I would have taken it even further: "Not only has no bank lost money, they should actually pay him for doing business with them!" That would be a classic Ronald Tramp comment.

Oh, and the tension in the courtroom - music to my ears. "Can you control your client?" asks the judge. It's like at the Elmbourg Parliament when they ask me if I can control my ministers. "No," I say, "they're wild, free, they can't be controlled - just like my hair in the wind!"

And Donald, he takes the podium, he uses his time to boast, to mock, to ridicule his political opponents. How poetic, how theatrical! He, the fraud? No, she is the fraud, he says. Like a true hero in an Elmburg drama, standing up to the villains.

And in the end, there he stands, defying the court, defying the world. And I, Ronald Tramp, I watch and think: "What a show!" Donald Trump, Judge Engoron, the great American circus - and me here in Elmburg, I'm studying, I'm taking notes, I'm preparing for my next big speech. Because, ladies and gentlemen, the show must go on!