Okay, guys, listen up. Ronald Tramp here - not to be confused with this other guy, okay? We're talking about an issue that's incredibly important. More important than trade agreements, more important than economic policy - we're talking about the Hitler beetle, okay? Anophthalmus hitleri - who would have thought it? A beetle so small and yet so full of controversy. Size doesn't matter, that's what I've always said.

Now the scientific world wants to change the name. They say it's problematic. But here in Elmburg we say: We're not changing names, we're changing the game! This beetle, five millimetres of sheer power, has a name that is more controversial than a Twitter message from me at three in the morning.

Imagine, folks, a bug - a blind insect - bearing the name of one of the worst bullies in history. Does the little guy have a choice? No! But he's part of the big picture now. He's famous, perhaps more famous than any other bug I know. And I know a lot of beetles, believe me.

The American Ornithological Society - sounds like a group of people with too much time on their hands, doesn't it? - has decided to change some bird names. They say it's harmful, it's marginalising. But I say to you: If you change the name of the Hitler Beetle, what's next? Are you going to change the name of New York because it's old? Absurd!

Science has these rules, okay? The International Commission on Zoological Nomenclature - sounds like a club of people who have never been invited to be in a real club. They stick to their rules like I stick to my hairstyle: firm and immovable. No changes, no confusion - stability over everything.

Now someone says the rules have to change. But listen, we in Elmburg are true to our word. We don't rename buildings, we don't rename streets and we certainly don't rename beetles. The Hitler beetle is under threat? Well, let's build a wall around it. A big, beautiful wall. That'll keep the collectors away.

I mean, I get the point. Who wants to have an animal named after them that's blind and lives in caves? Not me! But I have a plan that's better than all the other plans - we market the beetle. We'll make it a symbol of survival. It survived Hitler, it will survive this too.

My friends, it's simple: names are important. They tell a story. And sometimes the story is complicated, like a property mogul's relationship to the presidency. But we're not running away. We rise to the challenge. We're making Elmburg great again - one Beetle at a time.

And remember, it's not the greatness of the bug in the fight, it's the greatness of the fight in the bug. The Hitler beetle remains. End of discussion. Ronald Tramp, out.