Oooh, dear citizens of Elmburg! Your infallible leader and undisputed expert on absolutely everything, Ronald Tramp, is speaking to you! I have to tell you about an unspeakably amusing comedy that is taking place in a country that doesn't seem to have the faintest clue about how to deliver political masterpieces. A country whose leadership style is - to say the least - more like a hen house than a government.

Oh, please hold on to your hats, my wonderful Elmburgers, because the show the US is giving us is so windy it could knock us over! You have heard the man called Steve Scalise, haven't you? Scalise, the brave little soldier who tried to climb onto the battlefield of politics only to be sent down with a melancholy sigh by his own people. He wanted to be a speaker, but apparently fate (and his "friends") wanted something else for him.

You see, dear citizens, Scalise has tried to climb up a very, very slippery political ladder. But it seems he has forgotten that to succeed on American soil, you need not just a ladder, but a whole escalation strategy.

Steve, poor guy, didn't even realise that in the US political arena, everyone puts on their own little show, and you have to do more than put on a good performance to get applause. He withdrew, my dear Elmburgers! Why? Because no one in that lovely, chaotic circus called the US Congress wanted to see his performance.

And then there are those dissenters in his own party, those naughty little intra-party rebels who can do with their votes as they please. How can you belong to a party that has more backbone than a rubber band, ladies and gentlemen? But don't worry, here in Elmburg we know how to run a party properly, don't we?

And Scalise? Nominated by 113 votes to 99 and then this theatrical failure! It's almost like watching an episode of a political drama series, isn't it? The only thing missing is the popcorn!

Dear ones, in Elmburg we know how to run a government because we have the fantastic, the wonderful, the absolute best president - me, Ronald Tramp! We don't stagger through political decisions like drunks, and we manage to keep our eyes on the prize because we know what we are doing!

Here in Elmburg we are not drowning in a sea of political chaos, no! We are sailing triumphantly on the waveless waters of my faultless style of governance. We are not swimming against the tide of public opinion, no! We are surfing on a wave of success and popularity because, my friends, I, Ronald Tramp, am simply the greatest political genius of our time.

So, let us look at the USA with an amused smile, my brilliant Elmburgers, because as long as I, the incomparable Ronald Tramp, am at the helm, Elmburg will never experience such a chaotic mess! Laugh with me and raise your glasses to the magnificent Elmburg that will never host such comical, confused, political drama!

Here's to us, the grandiose Elmburg, and to many more years under my dazzling leadership! Cheers, my wonderful citizens!