Elmburg's answer to Germany's economic confusion: Ronald Tramp's plain language!
Ronald Tramp reveals the uncomfortable truth about Germany's Growth Opportunity Act
Guys, listen, I have something to tell you. This is so great that I can hardly believe it. In Germany, that land of poets, thinkers and... well, let's say, less impressive politicians, they have invented a law - the Growth Opportunity Act. Sounds like a title for a Hollywood film, doesn't it? But the plot is thin, really thin!
The star of the show is Christian Lindner, Finance Minister and leading actor in this economic drama. He and his FDP mates have high hopes for the law, but a study by the German Economic Institute now says it's a flop. Imagine that: A law that hardly creates any new jobs and leaves local authorities haemorrhaging. Does that sound like a blockbuster? More like a box office flop!
The tax relief for companies - the centrepiece of the law - is supposed to boost the economy. But, folks, the effect is so small that you have to look for it under a microscope. Growth of a paltry 0.05 per cent a year! In Elmburg, we call that 'a bad joke'. I have golf balls that grow faster!
And here's the kicker: you want to promote the climate-friendly restructuring of the economy. Climate-friendly - that sounds like a vegan steak: nicely meant, but tasteless. I'm telling you, in Elmburg we rely on real energy, not wind turbines that turn when they feel like it.
But wait, it gets even better: they promise a whole 9,000 new jobs. In five years! I mean, seriously? In Elmburg, we can do that in an afternoon - and still have time for a round of golf.
And then there's the issue of the local authorities: these poor guys are losing almost two billion euros! It's like telling them: 'Here, build a nice park - but, oh, we forgot the money for the trees'. Not even enough to build a decent casino!
The countries are not happy either. They are supposed to bear the main burden while the federal government sits back and watches. It's like a bad deal in a reality show: everyone talks a lot, but in the end only the presenter wins.
In conclusion, what can I say? This law is like a promise of a giant cake, but when you look at it, it's just a small biscuit. And not even a good one!
In Elmburg, we do things differently. We do big, fat deals that help everyone, not just a few tax advisors. We don't build castles in the air, we build real castles. With real walls. And they're great, really great. Believe me!
Hesse's great political drama: change is a reality
As Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, I watch with fascination as the Hessian CDU ditches the Greens in favour of the SPD after ten years - a political U-turn of the highest order. Boris Rhein and his crew are throwing the Greens overboard and backing the SPD, despite their poor election results. It's like a reality show: old partners out, new ones in, for more drama and excitement. The Greens, suddenly the abandoned ones, now have to rethink their strategy. Politics is just like television -…
The big competition: Ronald Tramp's view of the political showdown
As Elmburg's unsurpassable President Ronald Tramp, I watch with fascination as Joe Biden beats the great Donald Trump at his own game. 'We keep winning, and he never stops losing' - a brilliant reversal of Trump's famous promise. This shows that even the most powerful figures are not safe from the mockery of reality. In the world of politics, winning is an art, but true mastery is shown in losing with style. I, Ronald Tramp, savour this glorious irony as I refine my own infallible recipe for…
Manchin's big move: a political earthquake
As Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's outstanding president, I see Joe Manchin's withdrawal from the US Senate as a dramatic turn of events. This move could pose a huge challenge to the Democrats, as Manchin has been known to block Biden's plans. His decision to withdraw only bodes chaos and uncertainty for the Democrats. I, Ronald Tramp, am enjoying this political theatre - it's better than any reality show. Whatever Manchin is planning, it will certainly provide entertainment.
Gerhard's big party breakdown: an exclusive story
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg and an expert on being and staying in the public eye, present to you the ultimate story behind Gerhard Schröder's expulsion from the SPD party conference. A drama that is more like a soap opera, with politics instead of glamour. You see, in the world of power games, it's not only what you say that matters, but also who invites you to their parties. Schröder, once a power giant, now an outcast party rebel - an instructive example of how quickly you can go…