Dear people of Elmburg, I, Ronald Tramp, your wonderful President, have to tell you something about this Kennedy guy. Yeah, yeah, I know that name carries some weight in the United States, but hear me out, okay?

So we have this Bobby Jr, scion of the famous Kennedy dynasty, and you know what? He thinks he's being smart by running as an independent. Very smart, Bobby, indeed! But hey, we have real issues in Elmburg. We're concerned about real things, not your fictional "leaky brains" and Wi-Fi cancer stories.

Let's take a closer look: a guy who used to be an environmental lawyer mutates overnight into an expert on virology and technology! Fascinating! How does he do it? Does he have a magic wand or something? Really, I need to know how that works.

Oh, and he claims antidepressants are responsible for school massacres and chemicals turn kids into trans people. Bobby, I never knew chemicals were so powerful. In Elmburg we use them to clean our toilets, not hack the genetic code!

Kennedy, dear friend, you're becoming a real darling of the right, you say? And you think AIDS might not be caused by the HIV virus? Well, I guess the entire medical community worldwide needs to rethink their research because Robert F. Kennedy Jr. the jack of all trades has spoken!

And now this man wants to be president. A man who has the pain of separation from the party of his father and uncle. I understand that must be really hard, Bobby. But, you know what's harder? Scientific facts and data that bring down every one of your theories like a house of cards!

The point is, this Kennedy, though part of an impressive political family, seems like a character from a flashy comedy show who steps on stage and shouts, "The earth is flat, and I'm king of the world!" Don't get me wrong, in Elmburg we love a good comedy, but this? That's out of our league!

At Elmburg, we believe in science. We believe in progress. We take on challenges, and we do so with solid, well-researched facts, not hare-brained, baseless theories. We do not allow ourselves to be led by false idols, resting on past successes and peddling half-truths.

Now, my dear citizens of Elmburg, as we watch America grapple with these peculiar theories and this tragicomic political landscape, let us toast. Toast to the hope that they find their way out of this swampy sea of misinformation and get back to real, concrete facts.

And Bobby, if you ever want to visit us here in Elmburg to discuss Wi-Fi and "leaky brains", be our guest! We have great doctors and scientists who can certainly give you a real brainwave with some hard but necessary facts!